Tis how I feel about this whole wedding weight loss journey. I'd like to thank this dirty mirror, this bonnet, 21 Savage and the Hamilton soundtrack for allowing me to push through these workouts. 15 more lbs to goooooooo!
Tis how I feel about this whole wedding weight loss journey. I'd like to thank this dirty mirror, this bonnet, 21 Savage and the Hamilton soundtrack for allowing me to push through these workouts. 15 more lbs to goooooooo!
Sooooo, I planned a surprise bachelor party for Jason the weekend of July 21st. He has made A MILLION hints about wanting a surprise something of some sort. His co-worker had a surprise b-day party thrown by his wife and he KEPT bringing up how thoughtful it was.... I was like I get it, I get it lol. So.... I made it happen. It definitely was a labor of love. Anyone that has tried to organize an outing for a group of men knows my struggle. I started the planning process in March, so by the time July rolled around I was exhausted.
Since we opted not to have a bridal party I figured the "traditional" events surrounding getting married would be up in the air... I KNEW Jason wanted a bachelor party. I also knew he wouldn't plan one himself, or reach out to anyone about helping it or doing it for him. I figured not having one would definitely be something that he'd regret so I reached out to his friend Matt to help me. Matt went above and beyond and I am STILL trying to figure out a way that I can show my gratitude.
So let me breakdown the plan....
...As you all know if you've been following this blog the plan for me was to always head to NOLA for my bachelorette weekend. Welp, funds were low and debts were high and I realized that I couldn't fund a bachelor party for Jason, get to NOLA AND save for a wedding with a 200 person guest list so I fell on the sword and opted to turn my bachelorette party dreams into a solo dolo thing. I am a music festival enthusiast and the line up to FYF Fest was life changing. I NEEDED that in my life. I had already grown a bitter taste in my mouth about all the things I'd missed out on thus far for the sake of this wedding, I couldn't let this be yet another thing I wanted to do that couldn't. SOOOOOOOO I got the tickets, and because FYF holds down folks they even had a payment plan option. SCHWEET. So the plan was that I would be in LA for FYF Fest while Jason participates in all of the debauchery. SCORE!
He had friends flying in from all over so the plan was to get him to the AirBNB, so when he walked up all of the fellas would be there and surprise him... Getting him there was a chore because Jason works a lot or is always making plans at the last minute. I told him that there was a secret exhibit going on that I heard was cool and asked if he could meet me there for an hour or so for our date night.... he agreed and I gave him the address to the AirBNB. I didn't give many more details and surprisingly he didn't ask for more info which is very unlike him because he is known to annoy me by asking a million questions about everything. He had TWO other things planned that evening. A work BBQ and then going to the movies, but my biggest task was to get him to the AirBNB. Throughout all of this I was on the plane flying to LA, so thank the lordt for Wi-Fi because I was able to reach out to Matt and Jason and didn't have a four hour gap of time where I was not responsive. After Jason pushing me further and further back he FINALLY arrived at the AirBNB almost two hours later than I had requested he get there. Lordt, if EYE was actually waiting we all know I wouldn't have been happy....and his friends were getting bummed because they were all so anxious to surprise him. But when he got there Matt told me he went crazy and was legit surprised.... And that was honestly all that I needed :).
My phone died so I didn't even get to capture Solange, A Tribe Called Quest, Erykah Badu, Run the Jewels, Hannibal Buress, Bjork and so many more.... But man. This festival was EVERYTHING... and I got to check two things off my bucket list... I stayed in a hostel AND I surfed for the first time. All in all this solo trip was much needed for my mental health and I was so happy I did it! :)
So I LOVE Ghost in the Shell. It is truly the manga I use to turn people onto manga, and needless to say I was beyond disgusted in the blatant whitewashing of the main character with the casting of Scarlett Johansson. Leave it to twitter to GO IN using the meme generator on the film's website...
Not seeing it. So mad. I was really looking forward to it once it got announced that a film was being made. Should've known better.
I even made one... Zoe Saldana as Nina Simone. NEVER. FORGET.
Sooooo, those that know me know that I'm not big on jewelry... So when it came to picking out an engagement ring I knew I wanted to go with something simple and classic. I also know my fiance' and although I would've LOVED it if he were to spend next to nothing on a ring not only because jewelry doesn't move me, but because the rings I like genuinely aren't that expensive, I knew that he wasn't about that life.
He did a PHENOMENAL job, I know it was important for him to give me something that I like, that also proclaimed that he was willing to make a sacrifice and save up to get me something really nice and something I should be proud of. He knew how important it was to me to NOT get an overpriced blood diamond from a jewelry store chain and went with a local jeweler instead. Although I wanted to shy away from a diamond as a stone because of the commercialization of them, I must admit that I do enjoy the sparkle.
Here comes the wedding BAND part... I don't want one. I feel like my ring is PERFECT as is. Simple, classic, and me. I don't want to add anything to it. However, I'm trying to figure out how that translates when having a wedding. I've seen some people that just remove the "ring" aspect of the ceremony all together. I am not opposed to this as I don't believe our commitment can be tied to something as insignificant as a piece of metal on our fingers. I do enjoy the symbolism of it. I also know that Jason has always said that when he gets married that he wants to wear a ring... and even though I've only been engaged for a little less than five months I do take pride in knowing people can look down at my hand and see that someone has committed to spending their life with me. So I knew in no way was I going to go "FULL MIA" and say nawl, we not doing the ring thing.
I think we've reached yet another compromise. I read that people wear wedding bands in place of their diamond engagement ring when they want to be more modest; for example when they go on vacation, etc. they opt for the band which is less flashy and understated. I decided that since I didn't want a wedding band, that my "cheap" ring of choice could serve as the modest wedding band that I don't want.
Jason doesn't like the idea of "switching out" your ring to match your mood and outfit and I get that. I don't think that's necessary either. But I DO like the idea of having a ring that's more practical in price for when we vacation... Don't get me wrong I don't think someone is going to "Kim K." me, but I lose things a LOT and wearing my engagement ring while in Greece gave me sooooo much anxiety, I don't like putting that type of pressure on myself.
What I'm trying to convey is that all of this stuff, though rooted in some sort of tradition can be altered to fit who you are as a couple. I LOVE my engagement ring, my "alternate ring" does not in any way signify that my engagement ring isn't good enough. I just don't like always having to wear something that's thousands of dollars on my finger in spaces that I might feel would put me in comprising positions, and as a woman that's something I have to think about. A huge majority of my life is thinking about how to feel safe. I believe that having this alternate ring would help with that.
Today is International Women's Day... Also known as 'A Day Without a Woman' and just like with the Women's March on Washington, I have issues... I am a feminist by definition. I believe that women should have the same rights as men. My qualms are with the feminist movement, and it's lack of inclusion and refusal to acknowledge that the intersectionality of sexism, class oppression, and racism make the experience of Black Women inherently different.
I'm gonna opt out of the #daywithoutwomen deal because too many of Y'ALL were completely MIA when it was time to #SayHerName. I was there, at every Sandra Bland rally, and I could barely find a white face. I'm opting out because it's unrealistic for affluent white women to keep asking the rest of us women to continually sacrifice our income to go stand in the street to further their aimless agenda. They voted against their very own interests, but now we're supposed to be in observance? NOAP.
I will continue to champion for ALL women's rights. But, it's time for y'all to fix the mess y'all created.
In observance of IWD I did wear red... I'm also offering free legal services for the month of March to all women, including but not limited to consulting on negotiating job offers, raises and flexible working agreements. They gon pay what they owe! Enjoy the article below :)
So I've been seeing a few black men (not many haleloo) talk about their lack of desire for wanting to see 'Moonlight' because it has been categorized as a story about gay black men... To that I say...
I saw 'Moonlight.' I've been a fan of Barry Jenkins since 'Medicine for Melancholy' and it was through him that I was introduced to Tarell McCraney (the individual who wrote the play that the movie 'Moonlight' was based) and fell even deeper in love with his genius.
As black women especially we have always been forced to look at the person in the film, book, etc.; to look at the characteristics of the individual and make those relatable to our experiences as a person, but not as a BLACK person. That is why I can find myself in movies like Juno; in characters like Wednesday from The Addams Family, and Ally McBeal, because I have no choice. Characters that reflect how I am AND how I look are very few and inbetween, and to be able to connect on a deeper level I am forced to look past the differences, and focus on the commonalities. But, representation matters.... and so does authenticity. And there's something extremely special about seeing someone on screen that you can relate to, that also looks like you.
That is a privilege that white people don't even think about, and in this particular case, men don't either. These men that are so against seeing the film see someone that looks like them, but because of how they differ from the character on one thing, they refuse to believe that they could possibly relate to any other aspect of the character. The same way that white people will see a group of black people in a film and automatically label it a "black" film. Instantly distancing themselves from the narrative. With the influx of black programming studies have shown that more white people are tuning in and realizing that despite the fact that these characters don't look like them, they are indeed relatable. I think because black women are forced to view the world from this lens... Being so used to not "seeing ourselves" is the very reason why we are a lot more open-minded. But that's a blog for another day...
I wasn't going to say anything at all about the negative comments from black men that I've seen about the film; but I kept seeing the same types of comments, and it's starting to annoy me and since I can't mollywhop these folks, I figured I'd take the emotionally mature approach and be an adult and share my thoughts.
What I initially thought is that I relate to this, and I KNOW so many black men can identify with this narrative, and none of it has to do with sexuality. The absence of a father, the hopelessness of inner city life, the destruction that drugs cause, the longing for mentorship, and genuine friendship, the cruelty of other kids, and the lack of genuine love in the home or surrounding environment. Plenty of black men grow up with a skewed sense of who they are and should be, and are forced into these caricatures made up of figures present in their environment.
I'm certain so many men I know, straight or gay, can identify with elements of the story of 'Moonlight.' The struggle of a black man with barely any of the tools he needed to survive the world around him, trying to make it out of his environment while also trying to figure out how he fit into it in the first place.
I mean just look at The Allegra - the ending. Listen to his words - "Nobody has ever touched me like that." And then Chiron just laid his head on Kevin's shoulders. That moment had little to do with being gay, and so much more about needing another soul to connect to. It wasn't physical touch, it was needing to not feel alone. It was about being desperate for a connection and finding a friend. Now if you can't relate to that then consider yourself very fortunate. But if you just look at that moment in the film from the point of a person (ignore gender) telling another person (again, ignoring gender) "you are the only person who's ever touched me." If you can't relate to that and hurt for that person you have no soul..... And I'm SURE a lot of you f*ck boys outchea vehemently refusing to see the movie can relate more than you care to assess. #WhoHurtYou? #YouDon'tEvenKnow #BecauseItHurtsTooMuchToThinkAbout #SoYouJustContinueToHurtOthers #InsteadOfAskingYourselfTheToughQuestions #AndHealing.
I shall end this post with a great interview from bae Tarell McCraney :)
As an introvert I've always gravitated to those that are "behind the scenes." I can rattle off cinematographers and directors a lot more confidently than I can actors... But that's just because I see a lot of myself in these people, so it is fun to live vicariously through them. I was able to hunt down an interview with the cinematographer of Moonlight; James Laxton. I LOVE Viviane Sassen's use of hyper-pigmentation shapes in her photography and I saw glimmers of her influence in Moonlight. I was super interested in his other influences as well. Needless to say I completely photography nerded out during this whole interview and it made me want to see Moonlight for the third time. I get sad thinking about how I won't be able to experience the full aesthetic of the film for much longer.... DVD will be great, but Moonlight shines brightest on a movie screen.
This came out today. You're welcome.
When ya fiance' decides wedding websites are so 2016.... Every single thing having to do with this was all him. The only thing I came up with is the account name...Check it outttttt :) www.instagram.com/skiptothelouandsayido
So on my old blog (http:\\hurtmeezysoul.tumblr.com) I had a segment called I.W.W. (Irresponsible White Person Wednesday). I decided to take the shine away from the trash that is white people doing trash things and instead change the energy. Now the Wednesday segment will showcase people that challenge the current narrative and uplift blackness. It shall be entitled W.S.O.W. (We Shall Overcome Wednesday).... and that being said the first honoree isssss... Lakeith Stanfield from the FX Show Atlanta.
The article that I posted above is so important. This is something that should be the standard. It was very admirable of him to speak up. But this should be the norm, not something that is highlighted because it isn't common. More men need to be like that. They need to speak up, shut it down and tell these individuals not to spew that nonsense in their direction. It is no secret that black women are tired. Tired of going so hard for men that don't support us in the same capacity. I am grateful that Lakeith has made a point to say that HE will not stand for the slander. I hope more follow suit.
But my friends areeeee. You know you have great friends when ya friend postpones family planning because they don’t want it to interfere with you getting shine you don’t even want lol. When Ky (I call her friend but she is best defined as a sister) found out that I was getting married she was like “Welp, I guess my husband and I won’t be trying for a second baby until AFTER said wedding. I want all my energy to go towards supporting you during this very important shift that is happening in your life. Baby can wait.” Which I thought was so cool, unnecessary, and selfless denamug. Lord knows I definitely need the support though. I’m beyond grateful. :).
I was discussing the current political climate with my friend Luke and the quote I used as the title of this blog came up... Only to find out Mr. McGruder is working on something new. Luke is my go to political conversationalist. We were both poli-sci major's and we stuck out like sore thumbs at OSU in any course related to our major. So as a result we've always used each other as a sounding board for all things political. Often I will check my phone at the end of a work day and see a five minute long voice message in WhatsApp about something that's going down... And this isn't just because of the recent political climate. We true to this, not new to this. This has been happening for years. Of course the dynamic has shifted from aim, to gchat, to WhatsApp, but the passion is the same regardless of the channel used to express it.
That being said I hope that Mr. Gruder has something fresh to bring to us given the pure trash that is going on. I am in need of some satire, I don't know how else I'll be able to get myself through this.
ALL MY LIFE I'S HAD TO FIGHT (c) Miss Sophia. Well, not really... But kinda... I've always had to deal with the idea that people think I don't like them... and it is so annoying. Mostly because I genuinely rarely dislike anyone... Disinterested? Sure. But dislike... Nah, I don't really walk around disliking people. I wish I was more like my Mom. She has this spirit about her that makes people feel so at peace in her presence. I just seem to make people feel uneasy. :(
I've found that folks are self-centered. They're not thinking about how EYE feel or my unique personality. Most people only care about how they appear to you. EYE do not like small talk, EYE can get anxious when around folks that aren't my regular circle. This has nothing to do with you, or whether or not I like you. I wish more people understood that.
Furthermore EYE can't really empathize with that mindset because I don't look for validation in that capacity. If you don't like me I genuinely don't care. I am an acquired taste, and am mostly shocked when people do like me off the bat lol.
It can be exhausting at times that as an "introvert" I have to put up a facade in front of people that I don't know well, for fear of how they might receive me. I do make a conscious effort to smile more, and be more engaging. Laugh at things I don't find funny, because people like when you laugh at their jokes, but to me it comes off so disingenuous. I am a work in progress doe. I'm gonna keep fighting the good fight.
Ms. Perpetual Resting Bitch Face
Asked for my make-up artist's hand in marriage lol. Jody so effortlessly turns my face into a masterpiece. I couldn't imagine being the center of attention without her. SHE.SAID.YES.
I had the honor of surprising one of my dearest friends! We are taking our talents to Colombia to celebrate his 30th in June but that doesn't mean that we were not going to turn up during his actual birthday weekend! He was sooooo surprised. I was so happy that I got to make the trek from Chi to KC to celebrate him. Beyond grateful that I got the chance to show up for someone that has been there for me in so many capacities over the years; he has been there for my lowest lows... and my highest highs. A true constant in my adult life. I hope if anything this showed him how much he is loved and appreciated. SO MANY people showed up to honor him. It was so special. Shout out to his gf Camiel for making it happen. She is the real MVP.
**The snapchat above is a photo of him going around the room and personally thanking each and every person that came with a heartfelt personal story about their friendship. His filter was perfect!**
PS I road tripped from STL to KC with my best friend Richard and his wife to be. Below is a snapchat story of the horrible singing that I had to endure.... LONGEST. FOUR. HOURS. EVER.
The title of this blog is something that I have had to emphasize so many times to Jason… I do not want this wedding to be all about me. I assume that my fiance’ thought I was being dramatical or even jaded when he would hear he vehemently express pre-engagement that I was not interested in a wedding. Only for him to find out that wasn’t the case at all. These feelings of not wanting a wedding were not ones seeded in being jaded at all. They were genuine. Why? Because I. Do. Not. Like. Attention.
Today I had to make a point to drag this point home. We are working on our wedding website and I commented on the fact that a majority of the photos on the site were of me, and he responded “cuz you're the star and you're beautiful!” which would make someone that WANTS to be the star elated. EYE on the other hand do not want this. Though I did swoon at my fiance’ calling me beautiful (that never gets old) that whole “star” portion of the statement had me with the -____- face.
I was very direct in telling him “I. DON'T. WANT. TO. BE. THE. STAR. I do not know how I can express this any clearer.” I don’t want the spectacle period. I want to turn up with my loved ones and marry the love of my life. The last thing I want is this whole grandiose event with ME as the focal point. I signed up to go through with this wedding thing under the stipulation that I wanted it to be about BOTH of us (if I had my way it would be lean more towards being about him). I don’t know if he understands my thought process, I think because he is an extrovert that enjoys the spotlight, he thinks that I’m being modest or coy and deep down I really want to be the focal point of the whole ordeal…. NOAP.
I truly hope that I was able to convey this in a way that he could receive. Weddings are so bride heavy… And let’s be honest, I am NOT a traditional bride. My fiance’ is the “bride,” he knows it and I know it. I just wish he would embrace it instead of trying to project his desires onto me. It actually would make me that much happier if HE got the shine, it is more in line with who he is. I want our wedding to reflect who we are as people and our relationship. Loads of pics of ME plastered all over the website is not an accurate reflection of how we function as a couple, it’s definitely not an accurate reflection of how I function period, and above all things I want things to be as genuine as possible. I mean he gave me the nickname Wilson from Home Improvement for a reason. I stay trying to be low key. He’s the shiner. It’s one of the many things that I love about him. I let him be him, he lets me be me. I wish he would embrace it. SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND. I’m finna just chill in the cut like the G that I am.
I know you’ve heard time and time again about the idea that men set the pace when it comes to relationships, and don’t get me wrong that is something that I have always agreed on. However, I didn’t really realize how much that would affect me personally until I got engaged. Let me elaborate….
So I went into getting my apartment in downtown Chicago in 2015 with the mindset that it would be my ode to bachelorette living. It was filled with amenities, it was safe, and it was totally impractical size wise to accommodate anyone outside of myself… It was the first time in years that I made a decision based on what EYE wanted and not on how said decisions may affect others. That being said, it holds a special place in my heart because of that.
After Jason proposed things became a whirlwind. After getting engaged in June 2016 we discussed that since his lease would be up the end of February 2017 it would make sense for him to move in so that we could save for the wedding. FINE. WITH. ME.
Fast forward to him coming back to Chicago (he had been in Atlanta for work for five months) in November of 2016 and I noticed that he kept leaving more and more things at my apartment. Finally he got fed up and was like “Can you make some room for me please?” It was at that moment that it dawned on me… He was moving in NOW, not when his lease was up, and I was not ready.
Don’t get me wrong I am beyond excited to get started on this journey called life together, but what Jason didn’t get is that he had so much more time to digest everything than I had. He had been planning the proposal for months, he had been setting the pace in which we progressed in our relationship since its inception. From the minute after he proposed I was playing catch up, and it was overwhelming.
Because Jason was the pace setter in our relationship he was more equipped to handle the changes, he had been mentally preparing to make this step for a while and was ready. While I have known for quite a while that Jason is who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I wasn’t sure WHEN it would happen, so I wasn’t able to emotionally prepare for the changes that would come with that decision in the way that he was able to.
Based on the discussions we had after Jason popped the question I calculated that I would have until February to “get on board” and turn my “bachlerotte living” mind frame into a mind frame of “we, us, and our.” I know the thought of this seems silly, because Jason and I have been dating for years. However, for me the concept of us really doing this FOR REALS and FOREVER came for me the minute after he asked for my hand in marriage. Up until that point we were kind of just on a trial basis. Lol. When he abruptly moved in in November I was taken aback. I didn’t have the time that I anticipated that I would have to process what my life would potentially look like as a soon to be ex single person. I felt overwhelmed and ill prepared.
This is something that I have had to work through over the past few months… And while living with Jason has been so much more than I had hoped for, it is so much fun to come home to and wake up to your favorite person day in and day out… It has been an adjustment catching up to where he is mentally, because of his head start.
I think this is something that we will both have to adjust to… on this road to holy matrimony. I’m so pumped for the road ahead, in the meantime I am making an effort every day to bridge the gap between Jason and I on the way there.
This year's friend trip was to Greece! What started off as getting ONE yacht together filled with 9 of my closest friends ballooned into THREE boats and 32 people.... We started planning this October of 2015 and by WE I mean myself... By July of 2016 I officially hated almost everyone involved.... But I learned a VERY valuable lesson, to never plan something of this magnitude for the free. We sailed up and down the greek isles for 7 days and it was MAGICAL... THE YACHT WEEK did not disappoint! Spending seven days saling the Aegean Sea was a dream. Sadly on day 2 I found out that my grandma passed. It was extremely hard and only Jason knew. I didn't want to make the trip heavy emotionally for the others so I told him not to share it with anyone. I desperately needed the distraction, being away from my family during such a hard time was so difficult, but it helped being around the family that I was fortunate enough to be able to choose... My friends. Below are some pics I took... didn't go too crazy this time, I just wanted to enjoy the experience versus trying to document everything this go round.
Some of my favorite pics from the trip that I did not take....
Every year I plan a trip to do ratchet things with my closest friends.... For 2017, it proved to be somewhat challenging because I needed to be fiscally responsible because most of my money will be going to nuptials.... I settled on Colombia for many reasons but one of the main ones was how much bang you get for your buck. The $ is longgggggg in South America. :)