After a long deliberation Jason and I decided that we will be a Cardinals AND White Sox family after last night. GO CARDS! GO SOX!
.... it's our ONE MONTH Anniversary :)
Wedding planning was truly trying... I can't tell you how many times I broke down throughout the process... BUT LOOK WHAT WE GOT AS A RESULT... THIS AMAZING WEDDING HIGHLIGHT FILM thanks to Mike and Emily over at Films By Juniper! So many great moments captured... Man, I need MOARRRRR footage.
Things that happen in the #TravelingNegus groupchat....
I lost my uncle Sunday evening. Uncle Joe was a riot. Someone you could always count on when you wanted to have a healthy debate involving any type of sporting event. He was the kind of uncle that was truly old school, but was willing to listen and engage when I offered a fresh perspective on how I saw the world even when my opinions differed from his. He loved the Cardinals, Vegas, hats and his family. This weekend I vow to visit a buffet in his honor. He LOVED buffets. I love you Uncle Joe and I miss you terribly.
Album Title: Laila's Wisdom
This album is incredible. I just love her. So happy folks are coming around. Do yourself a favor and pleaseeeeeeee cop this. It will change ya life. Bars on bars on bars.
Over two years old and every time I watch it I swear it's like the first time. It's just so beautiful. If you're obsessed with ballet dancers like me... or even if you aren't... check out the documentary on Sergei entitled "Dancer" you won't regret it.
So this "black on black" crime nonsense simply has to stop. In response to the police killings of innocent black people I saw so many folks posting "What about black on black crime?" on fb that I made a blanket retort and spent so much time out of my day posting this on every status I saw that referenced "black on black crime," it was exhausting... Anywho, here it is for your enjoyment :)
The issues IN our community are tied to violence from OUTSIDE of our community. You want to talk about what the community needs to do without addressing HOW it got that way. Address how it GOT that way FIRST instead of running to absolve white supremacy from conditions that it created. Secondly, the community has ALWAYS talked about violence and addressing ways to mediate it.
Criminals commit crime. People in poverty commit crime. People in close proximity commit crime. There is nothing unique about intraracial Black violence. But to say we need to address that FIRST before holding what's accountable for how we even got there is COWARDICE. There is nothing pathological about being Black that causes crime. Stop being so fearful of standing up to White Supremacy that it's easier to cower back on Black people. Telling people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps when they ain't even got laces. We have been free in this country for 50 years. Just 50. That's barely older than most people you know. An entire 80% of this nation's entire existence has been under legalized, government sanctioned white supremacy. VIOLENCE. But now it's our fault that our communities struggle as if these people didn't continuously divest resources from and build highways through Black neighborhoods. If you wanna be on some save my people first sh*t, fine. Do it. But TALK about how your people got in the condition where they need saving to BEGIN WITH. Let's do a timeline since I don't have time but I got time.
Slavery started in 1619
Declaration of Independence 1776 (slavery still poppin)
Constitution 1789 (3/5ths outchea)
Civil War 1861
Slaves "freed" 1865
Reconstruction for 12 years followed by 100 YEARS OF JIM CROW
Civil Rights 1965
It's 2017. That's 52 years.
I didn't even mention convict leasing which fueled this notion of inherent Black criminality. Those convicts mined In mines, made clothes, and dig ditches and roads. America NEVER let the negro free. War on Drugs in the 80s and 90s. When I see statements like this being made I can't help but think it is an attempt to curry White favor because you want to feel like one of the good and logical ones. Your respectability is not gonna help you. Acting like the projects weren't built to segregate Blacks then allowed to waste away. Acting like those corner boys had the resources to bring cocaine from South America or the guns. Acting like banks refused to loan in certain areas while home values grew to the hundred of thousands in others. Areas where Black families couldn't move or get loans even after serving. The wealth gap didn't magically appear. We didn't magically appear at the bottom through some natural instance. FOCUS ON ISSUES or learn something so you can. You're embarrassing yourself. And by focus on the issue for those who aren't aware: The problem ain't never been being Black, the problem is accepting a system that makes you believe you must be flawless and a bunch of strangers you don't even know need to be flawless just to get to base 1 for humanity. Allowing yourself to start in the negative instead of standing up like a man and saying treat me human because I am. Ain't no stipulations or hoops on that. Funny how people who would NEVER LET ANOTHER person treat them like less than a man are quick to suggest they must meet some arbitrary standards of white supremacy before feeling worthy of respect and common decency extended to your non Black peers. Only folks like you believe that you gotta do something first just to get respect for your existence. Internalized anti-Black bias has lots of faces. 😉
So I've been real possessive of my friends in my relationship because until WE are an US... They not ya friends bro. I can't say how happy it makes me that my guy friends LOVE my husband and vice versa, like they all have genuine relationships outside of me. It's super cool. It was so heart warming to me when after Jason and I got married he said to me. "Mia I have gained THREE families now; your family, your guy friends (Richard, Yon and Brandon), AND your football family." He was genuinely so excited, and that made me smile.
My husband has close friends that are women. I encourage it. Women are amazing and I feel like men and women can learn so much from each other. I feel like he'd be depriving himself of so much knowledge and growth if his relationships with women were exclusive to family members. Women are awesome, I am not the least bit threatened by his relationships with women outside of me. What Jason and I have is not in any way comparable to his relationships with other women, and never will be.
My bestie Richard and I's future wife Irishca always bond over the fact that we have really confident men that love and trust our judgment. I can tell you I don't know many men that would be totally cool with me going on weekend trips to music festivals, etc. with a group of guys... I mean at my best friend Richard's bachelor party I was the ONLY woman there that wasn't working, and Jason thought nothing of it. But honestly, this has NEVER been an issue for Jason and I, and that is reason 239420342070591 why I know we are truly meant to be.
This kinda ties into some comments that Rick Ross made that pissed me off, and the taboo nature of male/female friendships. Rick Ross made a comment in a breakfast club interview when asked about having female artists on his record label. He said “You know, I never did it because I always thought that like I would end up fucking the female rapper [and then] fucking the business up. I’m so focused on my business. I gotta be honest with you. You know, she looking good and I’m spending so much money on the photoshoots…I gotta fuck a couple times.”
Just disgusting, and to be honest I'm very weary of men in particular that believe men and women can't have genuine platonic friendships... They almost always are extremely insecure, sexist, or both. The fact they refuse to see any woman as a human and only frame a woman's identity to be associated with being a sexual object around for their gratification is very problematic. Not to mention he said "I'm spending so much money on the photoshoots... I gotta fuck a couple times" which was pretty much implying that by spending money he is entitled to a woman's body. So many layers to this comment man, so many. But I won't bore y'all with that today. Maybe some other time...
I'm grateful I don't roll with men that think like Rick Ross. I'm grateful my male friends and my husband see me as a fully realized person. One they are capable of connecting with on more than a sexual level. They see me, they respect me, and it makes me incredibly sad that this mindset Rick Ross has is so painfully common.
First I’d like to give honor to the Most High (Snoop Dogg), the members of the pulpit, the pastor, his wife, his mistress, the mother of the church, and all the saints and sinners in the audience. I am here today to ask for your prayers.
I am about to endure one of the bravest tests of character and faith a person can endure. I feel like Daniel headed into the lion’s den. I feel like David preparing to fight Goliath. I feel like Job getting ready to ... well, Job kinda got effed over because he got caught in the middle of a bet, but you know what I mean.
I’m boycotting the NFL this season, even though I know it probably won’t work.
It seems antithetical to a profit-making venture, but it is true. The NFL has created a business model where its profits are not dependent on how many people consume the product. Even if people stop watching, the NFL makes the same amount of money. Here’s how it works.
The vast majority of NFL revenue comes from television rights, which are paid in advance. In 2014, CBS, NBC and Fox agreed to pay $3.5 billion every year for the rights to air NFL games on network television through 2023. DirecTV will kick in an additional $1.5 billion per year until 2022. Disney pays $2 billion per year to air games on ESPN and ABC. Amazon.com threw in $50 million to air games, along with foreign rights holders, who pay $500 million. The NFL network also makes around $1.2 billion from various affiliates.
That means the league will still make close to $9 billion from television rights this year, even if not a single soul tunes in to a football game. The NFL won’t even have to look at these deals until years from now. The checks are already cut. That’s a lot of tithes and offerings, church.
The rest of the NFL’s revenue comes from licensing, merchandising and sponsorships. Like the television deals, these contracts are made far in advance and are not dependent on ratings or ticket sales. In fact, every owner in the NFL knows they will make a profit regardless of how many tickets they sell. The only other venture that makes money without having to deliver results is ... well ... this one. The church.
I know... I know.... Television networks don’t even care about the ratings. The NFL brand is so powerful that the television networks don’t even care about the ratings. Last year the league’s ratings fell 8 percent, but advertising revenue increased! That’s because with a limited number of available ad slots, networks force companies to outbid one another for commercials. It’s kinda like when the church isn’t full, so the deacons ask you to dig deep into your pockets for the building fund. It’s the oldest trick in the book.
I’m sure some of you out there in the pews are thinking, “So if a boycott won’t have an economic impact on the NFL, the owners or the networks, then why do it?”
Well, saints, there is a verse in the book of 4 Thessalonians that reads, “And lo, He said unto them: Sometimes a nigga hath to do what a nigga gotta doeth.” (That’s not the King James Version.)
This is the point of protest. When Colin Kaepernick refused to stand for the national anthem, I’m sure he didn’t think police would see it and say, “You know what? I was going to shoot a black boy in the face tomorrow, but I changed my mind.” I’m sure that when Muhammad Ali refused to join the Army, he didn’t believe that the U.S. military would say, “Well, if Ali ain’t coming, maybe we should wrap this thing up.” In fact, Kaepernick’s protest didn’t have a single quantifiable impact on black lives.
But he started something.
Last season, on the biggest stage in all of sports, he forced commentators of every color to talk about inequality. They discussed it on every pregame show. Announcers debated it during the week on sports radio across the country. He opened the door for players in other sports to talk about it. High school football players imitated it. White soccer players did it.
Even though he doesn’t have a job in the NFL this year, they are still discussing him. Players who would never have taken such a bold stance are beginning to do it in his absence. Isn’t that what protest is about?
Most importantly, church, I’m doing this out of solidarity. There were people who participated in the Montgomery Bus Boycott who had never taken public transportation. They shuttled neighbors to work. They carried signs. They loved their neighbors as themselves. (I think I just made that up. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?)
Sometimes the reason our voices are ignored is that they can always find another Negro to point at who is cool with riding in the back of the bus. I don’t think those people are sellouts. Maybe it’s more comfortable on the back of the bus than walking 5 miles to work. It’s a long walk. Maybe his or her feet hurt. Maybe he or she is tired.
Aren’t we all tired?
Turn to your neighbor and say, “I ain’t tired yet.”
That’s why I’m not watching NFL football this year. It’s going to hurt me, but one of our problems is that we think resistance should be easy. We think progress can be achieved through social media memes instead of tired feet and sweaty necks. We think change is supposed to come without bruised knuckles and bloody skulls. It doesn’t work that way.
I am not under the illusion that if every black person stops watching the NFL, Colin Kaepernick will get a job. I don’t even think the owners, the commissioner or the networks care whether black people watch or not. It will not affect their bottom line at all. There probably aren’t enough people willing to do this to have any measurable impact on the most powerful sport in the world.
But once, while sitting in these same pews, I heard a story about a little boy named David who managed to kill a giant by himself. I bet after he killed that giant and everyone was giving him high-fives and buying him shots of Hennessy, someone asked him how he knew he would kill Goliath. Was it because he heard a loud booming voice? Was it because David prayed more than the rest of them? Did he know he’d win because his faith was stronger than everyone else’s? I always imagine David turned to that person, put down his Henny and said:
“Win? I had no idea whether I’d win or not. I just knew I had to fight.”
May Dogg bless you all.
Word to Michael H.
Tis how I feel about this whole wedding weight loss journey. I'd like to thank this dirty mirror, this bonnet, 21 Savage and the Hamilton soundtrack for allowing me to push through these workouts. 15 more lbs to goooooooo!
Sooooo, I planned a surprise bachelor party for Jason the weekend of July 21st. He has made A MILLION hints about wanting a surprise something of some sort. His co-worker had a surprise b-day party thrown by his wife and he KEPT bringing up how thoughtful it was.... I was like I get it, I get it lol. So.... I made it happen. It definitely was a labor of love. Anyone that has tried to organize an outing for a group of men knows my struggle. I started the planning process in March, so by the time July rolled around I was exhausted.
Since we opted not to have a bridal party I figured the "traditional" events surrounding getting married would be up in the air... I KNEW Jason wanted a bachelor party. I also knew he wouldn't plan one himself, or reach out to anyone about helping it or doing it for him. I figured not having one would definitely be something that he'd regret so I reached out to his friend Matt to help me. Matt went above and beyond and I am STILL trying to figure out a way that I can show my gratitude.
So let me breakdown the plan....
...As you all know if you've been following this blog the plan for me was to always head to NOLA for my bachelorette weekend. Welp, funds were low and debts were high and I realized that I couldn't fund a bachelor party for Jason, get to NOLA AND save for a wedding with a 200 person guest list so I fell on the sword and opted to turn my bachelorette party dreams into a solo dolo thing. I am a music festival enthusiast and the line up to FYF Fest was life changing. I NEEDED that in my life. I had already grown a bitter taste in my mouth about all the things I'd missed out on thus far for the sake of this wedding, I couldn't let this be yet another thing I wanted to do that couldn't. SOOOOOOOO I got the tickets, and because FYF holds down folks they even had a payment plan option. SCHWEET. So the plan was that I would be in LA for FYF Fest while Jason participates in all of the debauchery. SCORE!
He had friends flying in from all over so the plan was to get him to the AirBNB, so when he walked up all of the fellas would be there and surprise him... Getting him there was a chore because Jason works a lot or is always making plans at the last minute. I told him that there was a secret exhibit going on that I heard was cool and asked if he could meet me there for an hour or so for our date night.... he agreed and I gave him the address to the AirBNB. I didn't give many more details and surprisingly he didn't ask for more info which is very unlike him because he is known to annoy me by asking a million questions about everything. He had TWO other things planned that evening. A work BBQ and then going to the movies, but my biggest task was to get him to the AirBNB. Throughout all of this I was on the plane flying to LA, so thank the lordt for Wi-Fi because I was able to reach out to Matt and Jason and didn't have a four hour gap of time where I was not responsive. After Jason pushing me further and further back he FINALLY arrived at the AirBNB almost two hours later than I had requested he get there. Lordt, if EYE was actually waiting we all know I wouldn't have been happy....and his friends were getting bummed because they were all so anxious to surprise him. But when he got there Matt told me he went crazy and was legit surprised.... And that was honestly all that I needed :).
My phone died so I didn't even get to capture Solange, A Tribe Called Quest, Erykah Badu, Run the Jewels, Hannibal Buress, Bjork and so many more.... But man. This festival was EVERYTHING... and I got to check two things off my bucket list... I stayed in a hostel AND I surfed for the first time. All in all this solo trip was much needed for my mental health and I was so happy I did it! :)
So I LOVE Ghost in the Shell. It is truly the manga I use to turn people onto manga, and needless to say I was beyond disgusted in the blatant whitewashing of the main character with the casting of Scarlett Johansson. Leave it to twitter to GO IN using the meme generator on the film's website...
Not seeing it. So mad. I was really looking forward to it once it got announced that a film was being made. Should've known better.
I even made one... Zoe Saldana as Nina Simone. NEVER. FORGET.
Sooooo, those that know me know that I'm not big on jewelry... So when it came to picking out an engagement ring I knew I wanted to go with something simple and classic. I also know my fiance' and although I would've LOVED it if he were to spend next to nothing on a ring not only because jewelry doesn't move me, but because the rings I like genuinely aren't that expensive, I knew that he wasn't about that life.
He did a PHENOMENAL job, I know it was important for him to give me something that I like, that also proclaimed that he was willing to make a sacrifice and save up to get me something really nice and something I should be proud of. He knew how important it was to me to NOT get an overpriced blood diamond from a jewelry store chain and went with a local jeweler instead. Although I wanted to shy away from a diamond as a stone because of the commercialization of them, I must admit that I do enjoy the sparkle.
Here comes the wedding BAND part... I don't want one. I feel like my ring is PERFECT as is. Simple, classic, and me. I don't want to add anything to it. However, I'm trying to figure out how that translates when having a wedding. I've seen some people that just remove the "ring" aspect of the ceremony all together. I am not opposed to this as I don't believe our commitment can be tied to something as insignificant as a piece of metal on our fingers. I do enjoy the symbolism of it. I also know that Jason has always said that when he gets married that he wants to wear a ring... and even though I've only been engaged for a little less than five months I do take pride in knowing people can look down at my hand and see that someone has committed to spending their life with me. So I knew in no way was I going to go "FULL MIA" and say nawl, we not doing the ring thing.
I think we've reached yet another compromise. I read that people wear wedding bands in place of their diamond engagement ring when they want to be more modest; for example when they go on vacation, etc. they opt for the band which is less flashy and understated. I decided that since I didn't want a wedding band, that my "cheap" ring of choice could serve as the modest wedding band that I don't want.
Jason doesn't like the idea of "switching out" your ring to match your mood and outfit and I get that. I don't think that's necessary either. But I DO like the idea of having a ring that's more practical in price for when we vacation... Don't get me wrong I don't think someone is going to "Kim K." me, but I lose things a LOT and wearing my engagement ring while in Greece gave me sooooo much anxiety, I don't like putting that type of pressure on myself.
What I'm trying to convey is that all of this stuff, though rooted in some sort of tradition can be altered to fit who you are as a couple. I LOVE my engagement ring, my "alternate ring" does not in any way signify that my engagement ring isn't good enough. I just don't like always having to wear something that's thousands of dollars on my finger in spaces that I might feel would put me in comprising positions, and as a woman that's something I have to think about. A huge majority of my life is thinking about how to feel safe. I believe that having this alternate ring would help with that.
Today is International Women's Day... Also known as 'A Day Without a Woman' and just like with the Women's March on Washington, I have issues... I am a feminist by definition. I believe that women should have the same rights as men. My qualms are with the feminist movement, and it's lack of inclusion and refusal to acknowledge that the intersectionality of sexism, class oppression, and racism make the experience of Black Women inherently different.
I'm gonna opt out of the #daywithoutwomen deal because too many of Y'ALL were completely MIA when it was time to #SayHerName. I was there, at every Sandra Bland rally, and I could barely find a white face. I'm opting out because it's unrealistic for affluent white women to keep asking the rest of us women to continually sacrifice our income to go stand in the street to further their aimless agenda. They voted against their very own interests, but now we're supposed to be in observance? NOAP.
I will continue to champion for ALL women's rights. But, it's time for y'all to fix the mess y'all created.
In observance of IWD I did wear red... I'm also offering free legal services for the month of March to all women, including but not limited to consulting on negotiating job offers, raises and flexible working agreements. They gon pay what they owe! Enjoy the article below :)
So I've been seeing a few black men (not many haleloo) talk about their lack of desire for wanting to see 'Moonlight' because it has been categorized as a story about gay black men... To that I say...
I saw 'Moonlight.' I've been a fan of Barry Jenkins since 'Medicine for Melancholy' and it was through him that I was introduced to Tarell McCraney (the individual who wrote the play that the movie 'Moonlight' was based) and fell even deeper in love with his genius.
As black women especially we have always been forced to look at the person in the film, book, etc.; to look at the characteristics of the individual and make those relatable to our experiences as a person, but not as a BLACK person. That is why I can find myself in movies like Juno; in characters like Wednesday from The Addams Family, and Ally McBeal, because I have no choice. Characters that reflect how I am AND how I look are very few and inbetween, and to be able to connect on a deeper level I am forced to look past the differences, and focus on the commonalities. But, representation matters.... and so does authenticity. And there's something extremely special about seeing someone on screen that you can relate to, that also looks like you.
That is a privilege that white people don't even think about, and in this particular case, men don't either. These men that are so against seeing the film see someone that looks like them, but because of how they differ from the character on one thing, they refuse to believe that they could possibly relate to any other aspect of the character. The same way that white people will see a group of black people in a film and automatically label it a "black" film. Instantly distancing themselves from the narrative. With the influx of black programming studies have shown that more white people are tuning in and realizing that despite the fact that these characters don't look like them, they are indeed relatable. I think because black women are forced to view the world from this lens... Being so used to not "seeing ourselves" is the very reason why we are a lot more open-minded. But that's a blog for another day...
I wasn't going to say anything at all about the negative comments from black men that I've seen about the film; but I kept seeing the same types of comments, and it's starting to annoy me and since I can't mollywhop these folks, I figured I'd take the emotionally mature approach and be an adult and share my thoughts.
What I initially thought is that I relate to this, and I KNOW so many black men can identify with this narrative, and none of it has to do with sexuality. The absence of a father, the hopelessness of inner city life, the destruction that drugs cause, the longing for mentorship, and genuine friendship, the cruelty of other kids, and the lack of genuine love in the home or surrounding environment. Plenty of black men grow up with a skewed sense of who they are and should be, and are forced into these caricatures made up of figures present in their environment.
I'm certain so many men I know, straight or gay, can identify with elements of the story of 'Moonlight.' The struggle of a black man with barely any of the tools he needed to survive the world around him, trying to make it out of his environment while also trying to figure out how he fit into it in the first place.
I mean just look at The Allegra - the ending. Listen to his words - "Nobody has ever touched me like that." And then Chiron just laid his head on Kevin's shoulders. That moment had little to do with being gay, and so much more about needing another soul to connect to. It wasn't physical touch, it was needing to not feel alone. It was about being desperate for a connection and finding a friend. Now if you can't relate to that then consider yourself very fortunate. But if you just look at that moment in the film from the point of a person (ignore gender) telling another person (again, ignoring gender) "you are the only person who's ever touched me." If you can't relate to that and hurt for that person you have no soul..... And I'm SURE a lot of you f*ck boys outchea vehemently refusing to see the movie can relate more than you care to assess. #WhoHurtYou? #YouDon'tEvenKnow #BecauseItHurtsTooMuchToThinkAbout #SoYouJustContinueToHurtOthers #InsteadOfAskingYourselfTheToughQuestions #AndHealing.
I shall end this post with a great interview from bae Tarell McCraney :)
As an introvert I've always gravitated to those that are "behind the scenes." I can rattle off cinematographers and directors a lot more confidently than I can actors... But that's just because I see a lot of myself in these people, so it is fun to live vicariously through them. I was able to hunt down an interview with the cinematographer of Moonlight; James Laxton. I LOVE Viviane Sassen's use of hyper-pigmentation shapes in her photography and I saw glimmers of her influence in Moonlight. I was super interested in his other influences as well. Needless to say I completely photography nerded out during this whole interview and it made me want to see Moonlight for the third time. I get sad thinking about how I won't be able to experience the full aesthetic of the film for much longer.... DVD will be great, but Moonlight shines brightest on a movie screen.
This came out today. You're welcome.
When ya fiance' decides wedding websites are so 2016.... Every single thing having to do with this was all him. The only thing I came up with is the account name...Check it outttttt :) www.instagram.com/skiptothelouandsayido
So on my old blog (http:\\hurtmeezysoul.tumblr.com) I had a segment called I.W.W. (Irresponsible White Person Wednesday). I decided to take the shine away from the trash that is white people doing trash things and instead change the energy. Now the Wednesday segment will showcase people that challenge the current narrative and uplift blackness. It shall be entitled W.S.O.W. (We Shall Overcome Wednesday).... and that being said the first honoree isssss... Lakeith Stanfield from the FX Show Atlanta.
The article that I posted above is so important. This is something that should be the standard. It was very admirable of him to speak up. But this should be the norm, not something that is highlighted because it isn't common. More men need to be like that. They need to speak up, shut it down and tell these individuals not to spew that nonsense in their direction. It is no secret that black women are tired. Tired of going so hard for men that don't support us in the same capacity. I am grateful that Lakeith has made a point to say that HE will not stand for the slander. I hope more follow suit.