“nah nah nah, nah. nah nah nah, nah. hey hey hey. goo-ood byyyyeeeeeeeeee” (Jay-Z voice)
(Nappy fro frock, black horn rimmed glasses, five o’clock shadow) awh, awh!
(scene: Press Conference. A room of about 75-80 people. In front row sits, my mother, my two little brothers, @jeorgiaQue, @kiarafaith. @BlackDelRio, @ainslee6s the one who introduced me to twitter. @iamnotajerk, @KNGSRW. My blog sister @hurtmeezysoul. “the league” @HeSoNoble_s @MrRiddickulous (ly long twitter name). @SunSunSunny @SamIsTruth. Political advisor @ldot and many more twitter dignitaries to numerous to mention, (and many of whom I could not possibly remember. @thegreatone1 approaches the podium.)
*clears throat* Thank you all for attending this press conference in such short notice. I am going to try to keep this as brief and to the point as humanly possible and allow you to move on in the RT of life. There has been much speculation to my whereabouts and apparent absence from twitter and in life in general (which is strange considering I still have viable means of communication on my person at all time.)
There have been many rumors out there that have ranged from “me taking a break” to “giving up twitter for lent” to even the infamous “me being kidnapped by Al Queda and being forced to wear Reebok and Adidas gear”. The outpour of concern has been tremendous during this time from what I am hearing from various sources. I am humbled to say the very least and before I make my announcements on my whereabouts I would like to say Thank you to you all. (crickets crickets). I am truly humbled by the support of my 36 followers, the subsequent 52 followers that RT me and all other observers of the “Legend of ‘bu”. With that being said, here is what you all have been waiting for..(cameras flashing....*dramatic pause* *clears throat*)
I am formally announcing my abrupt retirement from twitter and the subsequent release of the name @thegreatone1 and all of it’s subsidiaries. (*gasp, gasp* *flash bulb pops.* *crowd mumbling* *baby crying* *more flash*).
(waits for crowd to settle)
(holds back tears)
Although it hurts my heart to do so, I must move on from this world I created for myself in this short amount of time. A world that was helped, in part by the participation of you, my followers. “The funny” that was created by myself could not have been possible without you. Now many asks, “what does leaving twitter have to do with growth? It’s not, or shouldn’t be, that serious”. If that was a sentiment truly shared I don’t believe that you would be at this imaginary press conference right now, but I digress. #shotsfired
This is serious in my growth because I took note of something during my 1st absence in November of ’09: Each time I took seconds, and even in some cases, minutes, to come up with a clever one liner about Mr. White Man, or a Music Monday that was so obscure that only an old disc jockey could remember, I was taking time and creative energy away from doing something more productive with my ideas and thoughts. There were individual processes in my life that needed my mind’s energy and attention more so than 140 characters of mindless dribble. And trust folks, using your mind at any time for any purpose, even in jest, takes mental energy. Test my theory before you cluelessly blurt out an uneducated response please. While I was taking time to pull out my blackberry to talk about the big heauxs to my left, I could’ve taken that same time to walk over and talk to the young lady to the right of me. Or I could’ve been using that same 76 seconds on writing out my thoughts on possible ways to improve my savings rate. Little things like that. You’re only aloud but so much energy in a given period of time. I want to make the best use of mine.
What was also being loss was patience when reading some of the people I follow. Granted, twitter is for the masses, to be enjoyed by all. Yes, even the “squares”. However, twitter just became repetitive and unoriginal even down to the trending topics and the play by play of *insert award show here*. What was beginning to fade was the creativity and excitement that I once looked forward to everytime I hit refresh. Yes my tweet hand swung sckrong, however I needed to be entertained as well and I wasn’t. It became wack trending topic here, emo tweet there. “You spelled a word wrong on twitter” here and “such and such is not with Obama, he racist” there. It seemed as though the more and more I hit refresh, the more and more the evidence of critical thought became extinct. It began to become pointless.
But I got what I asked for, it’s only 140 characters. Which brings me to my next point. The beginning of the end, which was how serious people took twitter. To me twitter should’ve been a fun place for social exchange instead of a pissing contest among those who wish to gain cool points in cyber world. You even had people not talking to each other off of what was said on twitter, you had threats typed through I-Phones for the world to see, thus creating the “tweet gangsta”. Everyone from comedians, to faux rappers, kufi poets, and blackberry philosophers giving their two cents about every subject under the sun without conviction even if they know nothing about the subject. Nothing is wrong with expression if you are willing to accept criticism and some argument for your opinion without calling someone a “hater” (default black word) or a jack ass, or worse, unfollowing them! *gasp*. From what I was seeing, twitter was creating cyber egos due to the amount of people that could “follow” and “cosign” the same things that they said and it became more apparent on my timeline daily. (note, don’t even come close to grouping me with the tweet egos. thanks a bunch).
Most importantly though, I felt that it was important for me to work on the time honored tradition of interpersonal communication which is becoming lost in our society. The art of “Hi, how are you doing?” is dying. With the advent of the internet, cellphones, and whatever other modern trappings you can think of, the world has become a place where things are becoming easier, but yet less personal. I am more than just a few characters and I would like for you to know that in person or even through my writings where I am allowed to waste about a page or three on twitter, instead of breaking up messages piece by piece until 15 tweets later....well, voila, you have my point. Twitter confined my wittiness and quick nature. It made me less talkative in public than what I already was, (which was minimal at best). Twitter was my security blanket during socially awkward times (as I told many before, I was texting no one, I either was on twitter or bubble breaker). The art of conversing was becoming lost with me and my creative nature was leaving right with it. So, to my old friend twitter, I say adieu. We had fantastic times indeed, but your child has grown into a man, and must do as men do. I will miss our child like innocence and long for the remembrance of those feelings, but these are the things that men do. We grow... #moremantears
Take care Tweetnesses (evil voice laugh) #tebowtear #nowplaying #ipodflow #yallniggaswannatrymecomewitit #stackdatcheese #remix #stackmocheese #poundinfrontofeverythingisay
And finally...
#fin
*reporters as for questions* *I walk toward the back interest.* hug my momma, hug my brothers, turn around, wave at the crowd, opens doors*
*Hiram Jerome Schwartz, Abu’s lawyer steps in to answer questions*
“All questions for my client can positioned toward myself or his e-mail atlsesay@gmail.com”
“No, he is not coming back”
“He is not on drugs”
“No, he is not a sex addict, (allegedly)
“No, no sir, there is not a deal in place with facebook or myspace”
“He stil dislikes the ‘I-Phonies’ but does have pMessenger, so you can contact him on there.”
“Mr. Whiteman is in total shock and from what I am told could not be consoled”
“We don’t really know what my clients next moves are, we were in discussions with the hurtmeezysoul blog and will be contact with Coonsrowe, I mean Kingsrowe on possible blog contributions, but my client really just wants to rest and go to the batcave”
“Alright that’s enough questions, thank you all for coming out”
