As an introvert I've always gravitated to those that are "behind the scenes." I can rattle off cinematographers and directors a lot more confidently than I can actors... But that's just because I see a lot of myself in these people, so it is fun to live vicariously through them. I was able to hunt down an interview with the cinematographer of Moonlight; James Laxton. I LOVE Viviane Sassen's use of hyper-pigmentation shapes in her photography and I saw glimmers of her influence in Moonlight. I was super interested in his other influences as well. Needless to say I completely photography nerded out during this whole interview and it made me want to see Moonlight for the third time. I get sad thinking about how I won't be able to experience the full aesthetic of the film for much longer.... DVD will be great, but Moonlight shines brightest on a movie screen.
That's Love (c) Oddisee
This came out today. You're welcome.
Ours Ours Ours OURSSSSSS (c) Martin
When ya fiance' decides wedding websites are so 2016.... Every single thing having to do with this was all him. The only thing I came up with is the account name...Check it outttttt :) www.instagram.com/skiptothelouandsayido
W.S.O.W.
So on my old blog (http:\\hurtmeezysoul.tumblr.com) I had a segment called I.W.W. (Irresponsible White Person Wednesday). I decided to take the shine away from the trash that is white people doing trash things and instead change the energy. Now the Wednesday segment will showcase people that challenge the current narrative and uplift blackness. It shall be entitled W.S.O.W. (We Shall Overcome Wednesday).... and that being said the first honoree isssss... Lakeith Stanfield from the FX Show Atlanta.
The article that I posted above is so important. This is something that should be the standard. It was very admirable of him to speak up. But this should be the norm, not something that is highlighted because it isn't common. More men need to be like that. They need to speak up, shut it down and tell these individuals not to spew that nonsense in their direction. It is no secret that black women are tired. Tired of going so hard for men that don't support us in the same capacity. I am grateful that Lakeith has made a point to say that HE will not stand for the slander. I hope more follow suit.
These hoes ain't loyal (c) Chris Brown
But my friends areeeee. You know you have great friends when ya friend postpones family planning because they don’t want it to interfere with you getting shine you don’t even want lol. When Ky (I call her friend but she is best defined as a sister) found out that I was getting married she was like “Welp, I guess my husband and I won’t be trying for a second baby until AFTER said wedding. I want all my energy to go towards supporting you during this very important shift that is happening in your life. Baby can wait.” Which I thought was so cool, unnecessary, and selfless denamug. Lord knows I definitely need the support though. I’m beyond grateful. :).
But what happened to standards? What happened to bare minimums? (c) Huey Freeman
http://www.okayplayer.com/news/aaron-mcgruder-is-developing-a-new-series-for-amazon.html
I was discussing the current political climate with my friend Luke and the quote I used as the title of this blog came up... Only to find out Mr. McGruder is working on something new. Luke is my go to political conversationalist. We were both poli-sci major's and we stuck out like sore thumbs at OSU in any course related to our major. So as a result we've always used each other as a sounding board for all things political. Often I will check my phone at the end of a work day and see a five minute long voice message in WhatsApp about something that's going down... And this isn't just because of the recent political climate. We true to this, not new to this. This has been happening for years. Of course the dynamic has shifted from aim, to gchat, to WhatsApp, but the passion is the same regardless of the channel used to express it.
That being said I hope that Mr. Gruder has something fresh to bring to us given the pure trash that is going on. I am in need of some satire, I don't know how else I'll be able to get myself through this.
Why don't you love me? (c) Beyonce'
ALL MY LIFE I'S HAD TO FIGHT (c) Miss Sophia. Well, not really... But kinda... I've always had to deal with the idea that people think I don't like them... and it is so annoying. Mostly because I genuinely rarely dislike anyone... Disinterested? Sure. But dislike... Nah, I don't really walk around disliking people. I wish I was more like my Mom. She has this spirit about her that makes people feel so at peace in her presence. I just seem to make people feel uneasy. :(
I've found that folks are self-centered. They're not thinking about how EYE feel or my unique personality. Most people only care about how they appear to you. EYE do not like small talk, EYE can get anxious when around folks that aren't my regular circle. This has nothing to do with you, or whether or not I like you. I wish more people understood that.
Furthermore EYE can't really empathize with that mindset because I don't look for validation in that capacity. If you don't like me I genuinely don't care. I am an acquired taste, and am mostly shocked when people do like me off the bat lol.
It can be exhausting at times that as an "introvert" I have to put up a facade in front of people that I don't know well, for fear of how they might receive me. I do make a conscious effort to smile more, and be more engaging. Laugh at things I don't find funny, because people like when you laugh at their jokes, but to me it comes off so disingenuous. I am a work in progress doe. I'm gonna keep fighting the good fight.
Signed,
Ms. Perpetual Resting Bitch Face
Oh, make me over/I'm all I want to be. (c) Hole
Asked for my make-up artist's hand in marriage lol. Jody so effortlessly turns my face into a masterpiece. I couldn't imagine being the center of attention without her. SHE.SAID.YES.
Go shawtyyyyy it's ya birthday (c) 50 Cent
#YonCON2017
I had the honor of surprising one of my dearest friends! We are taking our talents to Colombia to celebrate his 30th in June but that doesn't mean that we were not going to turn up during his actual birthday weekend! He was sooooo surprised. I was so happy that I got to make the trek from Chi to KC to celebrate him. Beyond grateful that I got the chance to show up for someone that has been there for me in so many capacities over the years; he has been there for my lowest lows... and my highest highs. A true constant in my adult life. I hope if anything this showed him how much he is loved and appreciated. SO MANY people showed up to honor him. It was so special. Shout out to his gf Camiel for making it happen. She is the real MVP.
**The snapchat above is a photo of him going around the room and personally thanking each and every person that came with a heartfelt personal story about their friendship. His filter was perfect!**
PS I road tripped from STL to KC with my best friend Richard and his wife to be. Below is a snapchat story of the horrible singing that I had to endure.... LONGEST. FOUR. HOURS. EVER.
It's All About Me, Me, Me, Me, Me (c) Mya
The title of this blog is something that I have had to emphasize so many times to Jason… I do not want this wedding to be all about me. I assume that my fiance’ thought I was being dramatical or even jaded when he would hear he vehemently express pre-engagement that I was not interested in a wedding. Only for him to find out that wasn’t the case at all. These feelings of not wanting a wedding were not ones seeded in being jaded at all. They were genuine. Why? Because I. Do. Not. Like. Attention.
Today I had to make a point to drag this point home. We are working on our wedding website and I commented on the fact that a majority of the photos on the site were of me, and he responded “cuz you're the star and you're beautiful!” which would make someone that WANTS to be the star elated. EYE on the other hand do not want this. Though I did swoon at my fiance’ calling me beautiful (that never gets old) that whole “star” portion of the statement had me with the -____- face.
I was very direct in telling him “I. DON'T. WANT. TO. BE. THE. STAR. I do not know how I can express this any clearer.” I don’t want the spectacle period. I want to turn up with my loved ones and marry the love of my life. The last thing I want is this whole grandiose event with ME as the focal point. I signed up to go through with this wedding thing under the stipulation that I wanted it to be about BOTH of us (if I had my way it would be lean more towards being about him). I don’t know if he understands my thought process, I think because he is an extrovert that enjoys the spotlight, he thinks that I’m being modest or coy and deep down I really want to be the focal point of the whole ordeal…. NOAP.
I truly hope that I was able to convey this in a way that he could receive. Weddings are so bride heavy… And let’s be honest, I am NOT a traditional bride. My fiance’ is the “bride,” he knows it and I know it. I just wish he would embrace it instead of trying to project his desires onto me. It actually would make me that much happier if HE got the shine, it is more in line with who he is. I want our wedding to reflect who we are as people and our relationship. Loads of pics of ME plastered all over the website is not an accurate reflection of how we function as a couple, it’s definitely not an accurate reflection of how I function period, and above all things I want things to be as genuine as possible. I mean he gave me the nickname Wilson from Home Improvement for a reason. I stay trying to be low key. He’s the shiner. It’s one of the many things that I love about him. I let him be him, he lets me be me. I wish he would embrace it. SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND. I’m finna just chill in the cut like the G that I am.
What IPA Do You Have On Tap? (c) Harrison
When you suggest your fiance' goes as Harrison from the AMAZING show Atlanta for his Halloween party at work and he NAILS it...
Even got a shout-out from the show
and on Blavity!
For our actual Halloween party costumes we opted for Misty Knight and Luke Cage... All the schweet shots are taken by him of course. Lol
Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course (c) cake
I know you’ve heard time and time again about the idea that men set the pace when it comes to relationships, and don’t get me wrong that is something that I have always agreed on. However, I didn’t really realize how much that would affect me personally until I got engaged. Let me elaborate….
So I went into getting my apartment in downtown Chicago in 2015 with the mindset that it would be my ode to bachelorette living. It was filled with amenities, it was safe, and it was totally impractical size wise to accommodate anyone outside of myself… It was the first time in years that I made a decision based on what EYE wanted and not on how said decisions may affect others. That being said, it holds a special place in my heart because of that.
After Jason proposed things became a whirlwind. After getting engaged in June 2016 we discussed that since his lease would be up the end of February 2017 it would make sense for him to move in so that we could save for the wedding. FINE. WITH. ME.
Fast forward to him coming back to Chicago (he had been in Atlanta for work for five months) in November of 2016 and I noticed that he kept leaving more and more things at my apartment. Finally he got fed up and was like “Can you make some room for me please?” It was at that moment that it dawned on me… He was moving in NOW, not when his lease was up, and I was not ready.
Don’t get me wrong I am beyond excited to get started on this journey called life together, but what Jason didn’t get is that he had so much more time to digest everything than I had. He had been planning the proposal for months, he had been setting the pace in which we progressed in our relationship since its inception. From the minute after he proposed I was playing catch up, and it was overwhelming.
Because Jason was the pace setter in our relationship he was more equipped to handle the changes, he had been mentally preparing to make this step for a while and was ready. While I have known for quite a while that Jason is who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I wasn’t sure WHEN it would happen, so I wasn’t able to emotionally prepare for the changes that would come with that decision in the way that he was able to.
Based on the discussions we had after Jason popped the question I calculated that I would have until February to “get on board” and turn my “bachlerotte living” mind frame into a mind frame of “we, us, and our.” I know the thought of this seems silly, because Jason and I have been dating for years. However, for me the concept of us really doing this FOR REALS and FOREVER came for me the minute after he asked for my hand in marriage. Up until that point we were kind of just on a trial basis. Lol. When he abruptly moved in in November I was taken aback. I didn’t have the time that I anticipated that I would have to process what my life would potentially look like as a soon to be ex single person. I felt overwhelmed and ill prepared.
This is something that I have had to work through over the past few months… And while living with Jason has been so much more than I had hoped for, it is so much fun to come home to and wake up to your favorite person day in and day out… It has been an adjustment catching up to where he is mentally, because of his head start.
I think this is something that we will both have to adjust to… on this road to holy matrimony. I’m so pumped for the road ahead, in the meantime I am making an effort every day to bridge the gap between Jason and I on the way there.
Negus in Greece
This year's friend trip was to Greece! What started off as getting ONE yacht together filled with 9 of my closest friends ballooned into THREE boats and 32 people.... We started planning this October of 2015 and by WE I mean myself... By July of 2016 I officially hated almost everyone involved.... But I learned a VERY valuable lesson, to never plan something of this magnitude for the free. We sailed up and down the greek isles for 7 days and it was MAGICAL... THE YACHT WEEK did not disappoint! Spending seven days saling the Aegean Sea was a dream. Sadly on day 2 I found out that my grandma passed. It was extremely hard and only Jason knew. I didn't want to make the trip heavy emotionally for the others so I told him not to share it with anyone. I desperately needed the distraction, being away from my family during such a hard time was so difficult, but it helped being around the family that I was fortunate enough to be able to choose... My friends. Below are some pics I took... didn't go too crazy this time, I just wanted to enjoy the experience versus trying to document everything this go round.
Some of my favorite pics from the trip that I did not take....
COLOMBIA 2017
Every year I plan a trip to do ratchet things with my closest friends.... For 2017, it proved to be somewhat challenging because I needed to be fiscally responsible because most of my money will be going to nuptials.... I settled on Colombia for many reasons but one of the main ones was how much bang you get for your buck. The $ is longgggggg in South America. :)
My Name Is My Name (c) Pusha T
So a lot of people have asked me if I'm changing my name, hyphenating, etc. Those that know me ask because I do identify as a feminist... Despite feminism being seen as something only applicable to white women lol... But we can discuss that another day. Anywho, I am changing my name. I thought long about it and I decided to for many reasons. I'll try to expound on each of those
- My name is not a distinct part of my identity
I really don't have a deep connection to my last name. It's my father's with whom I have no relationship. My mother is remarried and I actually have no connection with anyone aside from my brother that shares my last name. Aside from me liking what it sounds like I have very little emotional connection to my name, so for me it became a personal question and decision. Why hold onto it? I've seen a lot of people discuss their decision to retain their last name as a feminist notion of not being considered property, and maintaining their sense of identity within their marriage. But for me, I have no sense of identity tied to my name, so there's no particular reason for me to want to hold onto it.
- My fiance' is the shit
My fiance' is very progressive. I definitely couldn't marry someone that isn't. He is very good at listening and learning when I tell him about my experiences in the world as a woman, and for that I am grateful. Because I am known to be a very strong willed, feminist black woman his friends have asked him if I'm keeping my name. He asked me, and we had a discussion about it. It was through that discussion that gave me a clear understanding of what I wanted to do. I knew he wouldn't care either way. He wouldn't feel like me keeping my last name would make me any less his wife, just as me taking his last name wouldn't make me any more his wife, or the union any more sacred. When I realized that it was a choice that I was entitled to make, a decision that we could come to as a unit. That is what prompted me to give it more thought. To him he didn't see me changing my name as an integral part of getting married, he was most focused on what it truly means to share are lives together, and it was comforting to know that we were on the same page in that regard. It was my choice. Which to me, is what made it inherently feminist.
- Starting anew
To me changing my last name was something I wanted to do because I am so staunchly individualistic. I knew that doing so for me would bring a sense of unity, cohesion and amalgamation. We are going to be sharing our lives together; finances, home, children, bed (this is a big deal for me because I love spreading out), etc. Why not share a name? So to me, it wasn't the dilemma of changing my name that was the road block... It was picking what name it would be.
I didn't necessarily want him to take mine, because like I said, the attachment and identity associated with my last name for me wasn't meaningful... and although my fiance' doesn't have a close relationship with his father and those that bear his last name as well, I liked the idea of both of us not starting from scratch and "creating" a last name, but rather building on what we were given, and changing the narrative of what the name means to us, as well as what it will mean to our children, their children, etc. Which is what brought me to taking his name. I wanted our kids to have the same last name as us, I also wanted to rid myself of the negative feelings I associated with carrying a last name that I have no emotional connection to; no sense of family or legacy. I liked the idea of us taking something that also didn't have those connections (his last name) and creating something together that will reflect a sense of pride for our offspring to be a part of. Our hopes is that starting with us, our name will create and establish an identity that will be a unique bond that has more to do with than just sharing a last name.
The fact of the matter is, when you do get married your identity as a single person is no more. I believe that if done for the right reasons, changing your name can be a celebration of that romance and matrimony. That is what I wanted. I've never been the type of person that does things because they are "supposed" to. I believe that you should have strong convictions for why you do what you do....and I had to come to decision that I was happy with. To me that is what made this I just so happened to want to delineate my new identity with a new name, for personal reasons... but for those that don't I believe they are equally justified in doing so. Though my name has never been a distinct part of my identity my marriage will be. I like the idea of having one name that define's our unit... a lifelong connection where the goal of each individual is to make each another stronger and better and happier. That's dope denamug.
PS. We decided no Jr.'s, II's, etc. doe. We found that to be supremely ego driven.... (Another reason my fiance' is dope, I didn't even have to fight him on this lol. His ego ain't built that way).
THAT is where we draw the line on this whole identity thing lol.
We want our kids to establish their own identity name wise separate from us. Make (insert potential LaFlore baby name here) great again. Haha.
It could all be so simple (c) Lauryn Hill
This is where I am with Nate Parker.
Simplified. Super simple. Incredibly simple.
Sister Snodgrass always gives me cookies. Everyday she bakes them, she gives me some.
One day she bakes them, and she doesn't give them to me. She leaves them out on the windowsill to cool and I just take them. She's always given them to me before, so, it should be cool I took them.
Sister Snodgrass is hurt. Tells me those cookies were not for me. She tells the police.
The police tell Sister Snodgrass that basically she left the cookies where I could get to them so essentially the way the laws are made, I'm not at fault.
Years later, I find out that what I did technically should have been considered stealing. but I was young and the charges didn't stick so I'm not a thief. Whenever the subject comes up a vehemently deny any wrong doing, even though the current consensus is I was wrong for stealing.
Really and truly, I'm a thief. I stole from Sister Snodgrass. and whether I admit it or not, the deed was done.
So while other folks telling you black feminists killed Birth of a Nation*, know I didn't see it because I don't like that type of attitude. ever. at all. Wrong is wrong.
*Exit polls have showed that 60-61% of BoAN's paid audience were indeed women of color, but per the usual, it's always black women's fault for everything*
Don't this sh*t make a nigga wanna... JUMP, JUMP (c) Busta Rhymes
Sooooo... since getting engaged a few months have passed and the typical question I receive is "How is wedding planning going?" The individual normally looks at me with the Alice face and waits for me to swoon about how perfect and amazing the whole experience is. NOAP. BEFORE I read the article on Buzzfeed that detailed how I SHOULD respond to such inquires, most times my reaction was a long growl... Which is off-putting I'm sure...
Most people asking are polite associates, that don't know me, and therefore don't really understand my response. I am not in the least bit not excited about marrying the love of my life. He's my homie.lover.friend., there's no one more perfect for me, and things with us are just so fun, and easy. He's my lobster (c) Phoebe. The reaction of course, is in response to this whole spectacle that is wedding planning.
I've had conversations with my fiance' because I didn't want him to feel a way because I'm not as "excited" as he might feel I should be. I had to be clear by saying, "I'm beyond ecstatic to be committing to spend the rest of my life with you. It's the spectacle that doesn't move me." Lol. I know he wants to make the day special for me, and for it to be the most amazing day of my life, and I wanted to be extremely transparent with him by stating that I have no doubt in my mind that I will THOROUGHLY enjoy my wedding; we both are putting a lot of effort into making it reflective of each of our personalities, quirks and all... He gets his spectacle, I get my turn up with friends and fam... BUT, I KNOW that the most amazing day of my life up until that point will most likely be the day after... When it's just he and I, laying up, doing not nothing.
This is one of the first big compromises of our relationship and one of my fiance's and I's distinct differences. I LOVE one on one time. The idea of eloping was always my ideal situation because it's so personal, and intimate. Though I love my friends and family to me there is nothing intimate about sharing this very personal experience with hundreds of people. I've always wanted a small, intimate, elopement/ceremony and an allllllll out TURN UP reception... Then we dip out and travel the world for the month. It is my happy ending.
My fiance' on the other hand is definitely a people person. He prefers group gatherings and sharing time with me and his friends. So a wedding, naturally is his happy ending. I know he feels guilty about wanting a wedding, and I've been struggling with finding the words to express to him that I don't want him to feel guilty for that. I just want him to understand where I am coming from, and why I react the way I do and have the apprehensions I have.
I am beyond happy at our ability to reach a happy medium. Just further proof that he is indeed my person. 2017 is gonna be litttttt! :)
When Injustice Becomes Law, Rebellion Becomes Duty (c) Original Author Unknown
**SPOILER ALERT. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BIRTH OF A NATION**
Dear Nate Parker:
'The Birth of a Nation' was everything I expected it to be, which does not say much for enthusiasts who really wanted to see the film. I'm not sure why you thought you were the person to tell this story, as you yourself recognize how little we know about slavery and slave rebellions, but still yet you chose to do so without (I'm convinced) consulting with historians, so you've done little to help us understand anything and perhaps have misled us more than anything. Listen, Nate, I get that some part of representation is fictive, particularly when trying to represent the everyday and mundane but especially when trying to represent slavery. But, IF you are going to altogether revise history with fictional narratives, at least do so for and with purpose. Sexual violence enacted against black women is not fodder for representing the limitations of black masculinity. If you are going to add a series of rape scenes, which necessarily requires black women whom I now don't think you would have included if not for their role as recipients of violence (note: none of these scenes are done with any form of tact or attentiveness to trauma--I suppose I shouldn't expect much given the tired conversations you keep having publicly when people press you on your past and the issue of sexual violence in general), I would hope that you could see this as an opportunity to give some form of interiority to all your black women characters and narrate them as agents in the fight against--and the everyday survival of--slavery. It might have also been the opportunity to get a better understanding of the role sexual violence plays in maintaining structures of oppression and how sexual violence alters the world and life of the victims of that violence. You chose to instead focus on how it impacts the black men around them. Because let's be clear, this movie wasn't so much about the rebellion as it was about the struggle for black men to protect their black women from white men. The actual rebellion scene felt ancillary; it was rushed, as if it did not actually take two days. The aftermath scenes felt equally rushed, as if black people weren't brutally punished and violently murdered following the rebellion. What struck me most was how quickly you were to show violence against black women throughout the whole film (noose around neck, rape and sexual objectification, dying in a chair alone, having their children removed from them) but you resisted showing violence against white women. Nat killed Margaret, a white woman, but all of the white women in the film were so redeemable and sympathetic that we could almost never imagine enslaved people wanting to kill them. They seemed like bystanders in the structuring and enforcing of slavery. I do not recall a single white woman dying nor do I recall a single white woman I wanted to die throughout the duration of the film until that white woman in the angry mob at the end. And, even then, that felt more so retaliatory for his murdering people, perhaps friends and family, than her actual understanding of him as property who got out of his place, didn't deserve rights, and could be killed at any time without recourse. When you consider that (white) men, women, and children were killed during the rebellion, it almost seemed like it was arbitrary and unjustified to kill (white) women and children, if we are to understand life during slavery through the script and lens you've provided. This tells me a lot about your gender and race politics.
And, frankly, I was tired of seeing your face by the end of it all. It felt like you were trying to prove a point about your acting through your directing. You failed to do that, too.
I could get into the particulars that made the movie itself underwhelming but I won't bore you with my film nerd analysis.
In sum, you could've, and should've, sat this one out.
Those Who Deny Freedom To Others Deserve It Not For Themselves (c) Captain America
Bout It/Bout It (c) Master P
Soooooo I love NOLA. To me it is the perfect blend of ratchet and culture. Two of my favorites things... A much better, and blacker Vegas... and it's hands down my favorite southern city. So when the question came up about where I would have my bachelorette party there was no question.... NOLA!!!! I'm very apprehensive because most of my closest friends are males... and most of my closest female friends are married with children and have real life responsibilities... I'm not really sure if they will be able to come for the turn up... But I can't worry about all that... If it's just me and my reckless male friends with no wives, children and loads of disposable income, that will be enough... so I've decided NOLA is the move. UNLESS... Afropunk NY is the week before my wedding, then I'm taking my talents to Afropunk... I shall decide either way as soon as the date for Afropunk is released... Either way it feels good to have some things mapped out. I'm pumped.